


hope not; NCT 127

by arrowthroughtheheart



Series: song-fics [6]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eating Disorders, Family Bonding, First Love, Gen, Murder Mystery, NCT 127 Ensemble-centric, Original Character(s), Pre-WWI Type Of Setting, Sibling Bonding, but also aged-down???, but it leads nowhere and none of the characters actually admit it, but nameless, dangerous coping mechanisms, inspired by kick it but spiralled into a whole different genre, ish, jaehyun and haechan are brothers, mentions of depression, miscommunications, tw, what else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:02:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24246949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrowthroughtheheart/pseuds/arrowthroughtheheart
Summary: “I’ve told you a million times already,” Taeyong says while tickling the stomach of his youngest daughter. A multitasker, apparently. “We enjoy your presence here, Yoonoh. You’re not troubling anyone. If anything, you’re troubling yourself by walking here and there all the time.”Yoonoh chuckled at this, making the baby he’s carrying chuckle along with him. The sound made him want to cry.He doesn’t even know adorable things can make you cry.“Thank you, Taeyong,” Yoonoh smiles, continuing to make faces at the baby. “I really appreciate you saying that.”
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Everyone, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Mark Lee, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Series: song-fics [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1328012
Kudos: 21





	hope not; NCT 127

**Author's Note:**

> i apparently got a bit too carried away with this. sorry. also didn't end as sad as i wanted it to be but i hope you can understand why once you read into it? kinda lowkey really problematic but also not explicit,s o. i was listening to blackpink's hope not hence the title, but, song recommendations going into this:  
> Afraid - Day6  
> Chosen Family - Rina Sawayama  
> Puzzle Piece - NCT DREAM

Taeyong is standing in front of the room he intended on entering, eyes boring holes into the paper-thin covers that are entangled between each frame of the traditional-styled door. His fists are balled and his breathing shallow upon the anger that is bubbling in his chest, intertwined with the dawning exhaustion and not even a wink of sleep since this whole chaos ensued upon the royal household he’s been serving for almost a decade. If he made a rash enough decision with all of these factors combined, he’d be storming into the Young Master’s chambers without a second thought while shouting at the top of his lungs and  _ that  _ will ultimately get him beheaded. Well, if there’s still time to do that. . . during all this mess.

That’s why he’s standing here right now, sweat dripping from his temple and eyes cast downwards to not focus on the silhouette of the Young Master inside his room, sitting without a care in the world.  _ Focus on calming yourself down, Taeyong,  _ the tired and battered up man whispers to himself, almost chanting.

“Pardon my intrusion, Your Honour, but I need to tell you something,” Taeyong slides the door open, and his eyes automatically met the Young Master’s - given that he’s standing in front of the door and the other young man is sitting on his crossed legs, leaning on the table where his scattered writings are located. The Young Master looks pissed for a split second, and Taeyong feels himself avoiding eye-contact once more. But there was no time.

“Your Honour-”

“I feel like I’ve told you before,” the sitting man mumbles, continuing to stroke on his piece of literature, adding unnecessary words to his poetry. His voice is almost absolute with no room for people like Taeyong to argue, but there’s something about his soft and alluring tone that reminds Taeyong that he doesn’t mean harm. “Just call me Jaehyun, yeah?”

Taeyong can almost subtly listen to the muffled background noises that came from outside, from where his friends are still. . . suffering.

“Ma- J-Jaehyun,” the older man begins, taking the courtesy to kneel down and stretch his hand outwards for Jaehyun to take, “we need to escape before they get here.”

Taeyong’s voice shakes as he says that, unable to believe what came out of his mouth. He’s been training his entire life for this career of his, despite the dangers and how little of a chance you’d come out alive once you’ve stepped foot in these kinds of territories. Being one of Jung Jaehyun’s personal guards is unmanageable at times, but here Taeyong is, breaching his sixth year of living up to his father and his ancestors’ hopes and dreams of being a trustworthy soldier enough that the Emperor’s family will trust them with their lives. And Taeyong is  _ this  _ close to the Emperor’s bloodline since their current Emperor’s son is right in front of him right now, looking up and down as if Taeyong is a threat he needs to analyze.

He’d be offended if it wasn’t Jaehyun.  _ Truth be told, he’s still offended even if it was Jaehyun, but what can he do about it except suck it up and put his stoick face on? _

“No,” came out of Jaehyun’s lips, although he took his time to stand up. Taeyong almost broke his calm and collected character, the corners of his lips twitching now that he has to look up to the Young Master now that he stood up and loomed over his guard. “I beg your pardon?” Taeyong tilts his head, standing up alongside the crowned prince. 

Jaehyun looks at him  _ almost  _ condescendingly, but Taeyong can’t figure out if that’s because the crowned prince is an asshole or if it’s because of their height difference. Either way, it pisses the older off to no end, especially when Jaehyun sighs in defeat before storming away from the room, making Taeyong stagger on his feet to follow him. “Why are we here, Lee Taeyong?” the crown prince says, asking past his shoulder, though not enough for him to completely look at his head guard. “W-we? We’re. . . here for different things. I have no idea what political concept made your parents send you out here but I’m here because I was designated to protect you, Sir,” Taeyong replies, catching up with the younger’s pace. No one had ever told him that Jaehyun walks  _ this  _ fast. 

His reply made Jaehyun tsk-ed in annoyance, a frown forming on his forehead as he marched his feet even faster when the sounds of agony coming from outside grew louder. “Drop the honorifics, Lee Taeyong, you’re making me sound old. I’m a lot younger than you, do you know that?” he asks, crossing his hand over Lee Taeyong’s torso when he wants them to stop, only a few feet before the front entrance.

Taeyong looks up at Jaehyun, trying his best to mask his smile. “I figured out as much since I saw you trying to run out of the bathing room once, completely naked with a line of maids trying to catch you and put you back in the bathing room-” the older recalls, suppressing a laugh that was bubbling up on his chest. Jaehyun gave him a petty glare as he reached over to pull out one of Taeyong’s two swords resting on his belts this whole time. “Not the time, Lee Taeyong.”

This almost made Taeyong scoff if not for the incoming attack that took the form of a man with his entire face covered with a thin layer of dark fabric, the moon’s light coming from outside cascading down upon his figure which rendered the two previous men unable to see who he really is. The man comes running through the hallway, and as he gets closer and closer, Taeyong is able to spot out the remnants and pieces of wood sticking through his forearms and his sides. “He broke our walls,” Taeyong scoffs for real this time, giving Jaehyun a look, “do you know who wants you dead  _ so  _ bad they’ll risk breaking through our artistic and vintage walls only to pay the price later on?”

_ “Lee Taeyong,”  _ Jaehyun’s voice came out in an almost-warning, half of it sounding exasperated already, “I thought you were too afraid to drop the honorifics, and now you talk to me as if I’m responsible for this attack?”

“Sorry, my brain works differently in emergency cases. You would know if you actually come out of your room and stop being a sappy little betrayed asshole for these past few months-” Taeyong retaliates, stopping his rant right in the middle of it when he realizes who he’s talking to. . . and what language he’s using at the moment.  _ God-fucking-dammit, Taeyong, you’re screwed,  _ he says to himself, dropping the palm he previously used to silence himself. Jaehyun looks unamused, but not angry enough to be considered a threat. “Whoops,” Taeyong chuckles bitterly.

Taeyong took this quiet chance to launch and attack at the intruder, meeting him right in the middle to put both of his hands around the man’s shoulders in hopes that he’d stumble backwards and hit his head hard enough on the floor to pass out momentarily. When the plan doesn’t work and the man doesn’t lose his footing, Taeyong shifts mid-air on his tilted stance to swoop in underneath the man’s feet and hurt the back of the man’s knee just enough to make him wobble and fall  _ backwards.  _ Taeyong followed the fall of this intruder to land his elbow into the man’s stomach as if he’s trying to nail him to the ground, and a sound came out of this unknown intruder. 

Taeyong shifts backwards, his momentary pride of taking someone down without drawing his sword is suddenly ripped out of him when more thoughts float inside his already busied brain. “Fuck-” he curses, leaning on his knee in a desperate kind of way. “This can’t be- I must’ve heard it wrong, didn’t I? I did, I sure did.”

Jaehyun approaches, tilting his head to the side after looking out the entrance to find the rest of his guards still engaging in battle with these masked-intruders. “What is it?” he questions, and Taeyong looks up at him, though disappointed. 

“I think. . .” the older man says as he rips out the intruder’s mask, revealing a familiar face they both knew all too well. “I think you were right all these times, Crown Prince Jung Jaehyun.”

-

0

-

On one merry day in a specifically merry year, the birth of the Emperor’s first son occurred, nineteen years ago. He’s a splitting image of his father, with skin as fair as the first snow and laughter more beautiful than the chirping birds. His birth brought joy, and moreover, hope for the Emperor - since this beautiful baby comes in the brink of his first decade of serving, yet he has no signs of offspring yet, until that fateful day.

They named their first son Yoonoh, which turned into Jaehyun after he was crowned the next in line to serve as an Emperor since he held a high standard of respect and genuine virtuosity towards the people around him that he was made a crown prince only when he was 10 years of age. Granted, it was judged as some rash decision making by the general public at the time, but they don’t see why  _ Jaehyun  _ won’t fit as the next in line, either. During these few years, life was peaceful for both Jaehyun and his younger brother, Donghyuck. They live together in peace and understanding - though seven year old Donghyuck wouldn’t do any understanding since all he did was steal Jaehyun’s old pieces of literature and trick his teachers into thinking that it’s  _ his  _ and only got captured in the middle of his stealing antiques  _ once  _ \- until Jaehyun reached his twelfth year of living and almost literally everything went downhill.

Jaehyun could have summed it up as Taeyong’s fault, since the eighteen year old took his father’s place of being Jaehyun’s personal guard at the time and little twelve year old Jaehyun listens to no one's advice except when it comes from Lee Taeyong’s father. Now you can see why it slowly but surely turned into a tragic mess.

Lee Taeyong was young then, trained with everything they’re supposed to physically be capable of, but isn’t an experienced older figure to a curious and nagging young prince. Taeyong doesn’t even have a friend younger than him, hence why he was flabbergasted and concerned every single time Jaehyun used to voice his curiosity. There’s also the fact that every now and then Taeyong would have to go out and care for his father when he was ill, and by now Jaehyun has grown too attached to his new personal guard to have enough patience while he waits for him to come back.

So Jaehyun put on the most modest clothing he could find in his chambers one day, when Taeyong told him that he’s going out and the prince might be unable to see him for a few days, and when he deem it a little too fancy, he ran took the cloak Taeyong left behind right outside the kitchen’s backdoor, since that’s where he usually travels in and out from. 

This one-time escape situation caused a big ruckus throughout the entire kingdom, of course, and by the time Taeyong figured out that there’s a very familiar little boy peeking in through his house’s window at the far edge of the village, almost a dozen of men are marching throughout the land to find Jaehyun. Unluckily for them, Donghyuck saw Jaehyun left.

Taeyong was close to being fired from his job entirely, but after a few tear-filled nights and how many times Jaehyun bowed in front of the Emperor himself with his face flushed red since he’s embarrassed of the exposure, the young man was returned to his post - only now with a little distance between them.  _ Well, quite a lot, when you think about it. _ When Jaehyun turned fourteen, the only times he’s met Taeyong after that entire fiasco was when they crossed paths in the middle of a festival that was held every summer and that other time Jaehyun was sent to the neighboring countries for a friendly meet-up. One night in the middle of winter, a letter was shoved underneath Jaehyun’s door when he was half-asleep. Upon noticing how familiar the shadow looks through his almost transparent door, he scrambled on his feet to read the letter.

Taeyong’s father has passed away, it read. Jaehyun has never cried that much in his life as he slides his door open and finds out that the hallways are now void of any living creature, and he was accompanied by the silent whirring of a snowstorm growing outside. He wished that it was summer so that he could cry along with the cicadas, but nothing of the sort happened.

Jaehyun spends less and less time outside since his mother fell ill and his room grew more and more comforting for him. The only times he actually stepped foot outside of his chambers are when his father summoned him to the main hall or when Donghyuck would visit. Donghyuck worried him a little bit since he began to lose his weight and his cheeks are beginning to hollow out. Jaehyun asked if his brother visited their mother a lot, which Donghyuck denied as they played  _ alkkagi  _ in silence for the fifth time that day. Donghyuck reminded him to step outside sometimes, and Jaehyun always lied.

On the night of his seventeenth birthday, Jaehyun could’ve sworn he heard someone scream. It sounded like they’re heavily frustrated over something, and it came from the end of the hallway. A few hurried steps came over his front door, and someone mumbled an ‘Excuse me, are you alright in there, Your Highness?’

That was the first time Jaehyun has ever met Lee Minhyung, surprisingly not related to Taeyong at all, but the younger said he’s been called that a lot. Jaehyun grew fond of the kid quick, especially since he’s only a year older than Donghyuck yet he’s out here being assigned what was supposedly Lee Taeyong’s job - which is to sit outside Jaehyun’s door a few feet away from his maids in case anything went wrong. Jaehyun asked Minhyung where Taeyong is, and the younger explained that the King went out on war to aid the neighboring country that begged for their help, and every single experienced head guard was summoned to follow  _ him. _

Jaehyun was angry that night.

Angry that his father didn’t deem him worthy enough of going out to war with him as a destined crown prince, angry that his peace-loving father made a sudden decision to go to war and didn’t even tell him about a single thing. He got even angrier when he figured out that the twenty-three years old general that aided the king was. . . Lee Taeyong himself.

Jaehyun asked Minhyung what he thought about the entire situation, and Minhyung played it safe while saying ‘this country doesn’t go to war often, so having the general be the most tactful and skilled man is the safest option in my humble opinion. He’s still going to be your personal guard when he returns, Jaehyun, don’t worry!’ Minhyung said with a big smile.  _ Yes, Jaehyun bullied him into dropping the honorifics, too. Not even a little  _ “hyung”  _ is allowed. _

But that wasn’t the case at all.

Jaehyun was angered by his father’s decision and jealous of how Lee Taeyong could win his way to everyone’s heart, but after years and years of staying in his room to think about it, he figured that it’s not such a bad thing after all. It’s not a bad thing that his father deemed him to fragile and unable to fight, it’s not a bad thing that his father thinks he’s going to be an Emperor who needs a strong and trustworthy general to fight his fights - it doesn’t matter what his father thinks as long as he can prove him wrong. It doesn’t. Matter. 

It grew even more tiring for Jaehyun when all his teachers talk about is how smart he is, how useful he would be when he’s allowed to make tactics for his country  _ should they ever go to war once again,  _ and it worried him to no end when they lift him up to this high pedestal even he himself would never reach. Jaehyun’s never learned to fight - not literally. All he knows is how to be locked in his room and be as fragile as a flower petal, and he’s sworn inside his own mind that someone’s wife out there is far stronger than he will ever be. And it’s most tiring when the birthdays come and he needs to be bathed by a few other hands when he’s damn sure he can do it himself.

On his eighteenth birthday, he came out of his room to find none other than Lee Taeyong in front of his door. There was a bandage on the young man’s face, covering one of his eyes as the other one crinkled in a smile. Jaehyun thought he hadn't changed. “Happy birthday, Young Master,” Taeyong croaked out that day, and it took Jaehyun a few moments to stop the shock from showing on his face. Jaehyun was basically used to being called ‘Kid’, or ‘Brat’ by Taeyong but never. . . never that. Granted, he hasn’t talked to the older ever since he followed him to his home to see his sick father, but supposedly, people don’t change that much, don’t they?

Jaehyun felt awfully nostalgic that entire day, since that was the only day Taeyong was ever around him close enough to be considered an existence.

He was gone once again the next day, and Minhyung told Jaehyun that the Emperor had grown to like Taeyong and would probably change his position. Jaehyun didn’t know how to feel, but he did re-read the one and only letter Taeyong has ever given him in his entire eighteen years of life that night.

And then in the middle of summer, Jaehyun got what he wished for. He cried along the cicadas for an entire week, he didn’t get a wink of sleep, and he’s exhausted. Their mother died out of nowhere, even though just a few months ago she was able to attend his eighteenth birthday while laughing along just fine. Jaehyun thought she was definitely healing. Jaehyun thought for sure.

His father took a long enough break that he was all of a sudden appointed to sit on the throne just as a pawn Emperor that would listen to people’s problems and bring them to his father if he doesn’t find a solution. It was heartbreaking at the very least, since Jaehyun absolutely despises the thought of being a useless leader one day and that it was a foreshadowing. 

He had to visit his father’s chambers one day, and while passing by, he saw Donghyuck hurrying away to the other building, where the doctor’s office was located. It was definitely a weird sight, but not quite alarming for Jaehyun since his younger brother has had sleeping problems for years now.

And then he saw Taeyong, sitting a few feet away from his father’s maids outside his fancier door - compared to Jaehyun’s - while looking outside the window, eyes squinted. One of his eyes that was wounded a few days ago has now healed, and though he’s a half-blind, he’s apparently a good enough asset for his father to steal from him. Jaehyun didn’t understand the feeling, it was foreign to him at the moment. 

“Your Highness, may I come in?” Jaehyun had said, and in the corner of his eyes, he swore he saw Taeyong’s neck snapping to his direction. 

He didn’t particularly need help with anything at the time, he just missed talking to his father. The Emperor looked tired, there were bags under his eyes and he was leaning on his left hip when he sat down in front of Jaehyun. They debated on calling Donghyuck in for a moment before Jaehyun was reminded that the youngest went to the doctor’s earlier that evening, and that caused the overly-sensitive and paranoid Emperor to storm in to none other than Moon Taeil’s office, since he was the doctor at the time. Taeyong was right outside as Jaehyun and his father talked with the doctor, and they shared a short glance.

Jaehyun noted the fact that Taeil was stuttering on his words and that his father was seconds away from blowing up, so he promised the Emperor that he’s going to dig into this further tomorrow to find out Donghyuck’s illness and if it would ever bring him into danger. 

He was never given a chance the next day.

Jaehyun was woken up roughly that day, a few other guards he'd never seen before pulling him by the sleeves and neck to wake him up and he was dragged across the hallway. Minhyung was the only one who followed the people who brought him, a concerned and lost look written across his face. Jaehyun has never been this humiliated.

Donghyuck was in the main hall, kneeling before their father. Lee Taeyong is there with the Emperor’s  _ other  _ right hand man, Kim Doyoung. They were standing beside his throne and Jaehyun never saw his father that enraged. 

Upon seeing Jaehyun being brought in like a stray dog, Donghyuck scurried over to shove the guards away with a protective hand over Jaehyun’s head. Jaehyun remembered how loud and confusing everything was, and how embarrassed he felt when Minhyung broke the reassuring eye-contact and kneeled upon seeing the Emperor himself and his seniors. Jaehyun took a fleeting glance towards Taeyong and Doyoung, but their gazes were fixed on Donghyuck.  _ The same, but slightly different. _

“Is it true, Yoonoh?”

Jaehyun was shocked, feeling like his heart was ripped out of his ribcage when the Emperor used his real name. No one but the royal family was supposed to know that. Why did he use it?

“Is it true that you’re involved in  _ murdering  _ your own mother?”

It almost felt like his oxygen was stripped out of his lungs, and Jaehyun kneeled there, in shock of the accusation. He heard Donghyuck half-scream half-sob beside him, denying the accusation for him. “I made the toxin, Your Highness.  _ I did!”  _ Donghyuck jabbed at his own torso, tears decorating his face. Doyoung and Taeyong shared a look, Jaehyun noted. “But Yoonoh was the one interested in scientific things that would get him nowhere! Donghyuck, your brain capability isn’t even enough to make something that strong!” the Emperor retaliated, and Jaehyun looked in between his father and his brother, brain still unable to keep up. 

“Donghyuck, what do you  _ mean?” _

Jaehyun remembered the utter desperation in Donghyuck’s eyes when they met his, and all of a sudden, everything wrong started to piece together in his head.

“Mother was  _ murdered?”  _ Jaehyun asked, more to Donghyuck than anyone else, but no one answered his question.

“Pardon my intrusion,” Minhyung spoke up from behind them, his voice shaking as if he’s about to cry any second. “The crown Prince can not be guilty, Your Highness. I’ve sat in front of his door for months now, followed him everywhere. But never once did he approach a room other than his own, and even then, he doesn’t go out much.”

Minhyung was then silenced, and Jaehyun was unable to recall whose voice it belonged to since he was too absorbed in trying to decipher why Donghyuck would go out of his way to  _ lie. _

“It’s okay, Your Honour. I won’t let you die,” Donghyuck had said, and it was the last voice Jaehyun had heard that day before he was shunned away by the Emperor, who looked as if he was coming down with a terrible case of fever. He was confused the entire day, angered since Lee Minhyung wasn’t allowed to talk to him and explain the accusations that came out of nowhere. 

The next day came as a shock to him as he sat on his knees a few inches away from his younger brother at the court, the Emperor sat at the very far corner of the room, the tips of his crown that was decorated with dangling satin covered the front of his face. He looked miserable, but Jaehyun couldn’t find it in him to further question what is going on - nor that he could, actually, since his mouth was muffled like a criminal.

Donghyuck was like a statue next to him, eyes casted on the floor. 

Head of the Jury read their sentences aloud, and that was the day Jaehyun found out that both him and Donghyuck were to be expelled from their Kingdom, one to the far East and the other to the far West. Jaehyun had it in him to make noises of protest, but apparently his sin was big enough for the executioner to be allowed to hit him on the back. 

A few hours after, with Jaehyun still in the dark about the whole situation, Donghyuck was the first one to be sent away, Kim Doyoung followed at his carriage’s tail as Donghyuck’s self-appointed Head Guard. The Kingdom was then left behind without either of the Emperor’s trusted right hand men, since Lee Taeyong decided to follow Jaehyun to his isolation. 

Which brought us to today, right in this moment, where Lee Taeyong found out that Jaehyun and his entire theory was right and he wasn’t just going crazy after being suddenly casted out of the comforts of his own home. 

In Taeyong’s defense, Jaehyun  _ does  _ sound albeit a little crazy everytime he talks about his father and his previous position, but it’s all slowly making sense.

“Pardon?” Jaehyun frowns, his eyebrows joining in as one in the middle of his creased forehead as he slides near where Taeyong kneels since the older’s shoulder was covering his sight of the man with his mask now unveiled. It’s a familiar face, but Jaehyun couldn’t rack his brain to find a name. All it came out with was the sense of familiarity, like what he would achieve by thinking about his home or anything related to such things.  _ Did he know this man? _

“It’s Jungwoo. Kim Jungwoo. You know, the guard who was placed on the East Wing. He was supposed to aid Youngho in guarding the late Empress’ chamber, but Youngho told the rest of us that the kid’s acting a little weird,” Taeyong loops his hands around the unconscious young man’s arms as he pulls him to the side, sighing when Jaehyun shook his head, signifying that he doesn’t know. “Maybe if you’d come out of your room more often, you would’ve seen how life around the Kingdom works, Your Highness,” the older man shoots, a little too cheeky for someone who said something regarding Jaehyun’s late  _ mother. _

“So I was right?” Jaehyun mumbles, mostly to himself rather than to Lee Taeyong, but the other replies just the same. “I mean, that’s the most logical thing to believe right now, isn’t it?”

Shortly after he was kicked out of the Kingdom - accompanied by a few weeks of wallowing in sadness and self-pity - Jaehyun picked up a pen and paper to write about his thoughts about how this entire punishment proceeded. He’s spent some time thinking about it, about how unfair and quick the ordeal was, who brought it up and when, and how he had literally not even a single clue that someone  _ bitter  _ enough would put the blame on either of the Princes. It had to be someone the Emperor trusted enough, too, and he had no trustworthy assistant or other right hand men aside from Lee Taeyong and Kim Doyoung; who left his side to accompany the newly casted away princes instead. Their decisions seemed and felt foreign to Jaehyun’s tongue, but who was he to question other people’s decisions when he can’t even figure out what happened in his own life?

Granted, it was a lot better for him and Donghyuck to be blamed rather than people who can’t rebuke the Emperor’s statement if a sentence has been dropped, like Youngho, for example, who was their mother’s guard his entire life. Never once did he ever mess up in being a professional in his career, and he was also the first one to summon the royal doctor while simultaneously spreading the news that the Empress was in critical condition. Technically speaking, in a court, Seo Youngho would’ve been the first suspect - but something in the back of Jaehyun’s mind can tell that the older man bears no ill will. 

Who does that leave, then? People Jaehyun doesn’t really know. Can he really build his case upon putting the blame on people he’s never interacted with? Before Taeyong told him that the soft-featured teenager who was under Youngho’s wing was named Jungwoo, he would never know that he even had a name. He did remember seeing Jungwoo, though, proceeding down the road he himself never took.  _ Hold on a second, what? _

Jaehyun cringes in real time, almost alarming Taeyong who was standing beside him. 

“What is it?” the Head Guard asks, arms still secured around Jungwoo. Jaehyun spared him a glance, the hue of the room bringing him back to reality after he drowns inside his own memories. He remembered writing that line - “proceeding down the road he himself has never took”. Jaehyun feels the need to curse his own overly-poetic language when he writes, but he’s sure there’s something he can do about it.

“Is Kim Jungwoo the only survivor?” Jaehyun implores while standing up. The question made Taeyong’s scars throb, though by now the pain is dulled from the wounds drying up. He’s glad he was wearing a dark-coloured cloak atop of his clothing right now, since the dried blood marks would serve nothing but send Prince Jaehyun into a panicked frenzy, and he knows all too well about not letting that happen.

“Yes, by the looks of it. They put up plenty of fight, though none of them killed any of our men. They’re just. . . severely injured, it seems like. But no worries, Jaehyun, I’m almost sure they’re only injured since they were caught off guard,” Taeyong huffs a smile which wrenched Jaehyun’s heart. “What about you, old man?” Jaehyun further inquires, noticing the deep slash at the back of Taeyong’s cloak that left a dried out mark of blood though it doesn’t look as vibrant as it should’ve been. “Who are you calling old man?” Taeyong snorts, lifting Jungwoo up his shoulder to turn around and face Jaehyun.

“Well, you know. You know me, a package full of inabilities. I’m glad the five other men I’ve been accompanied by are strong enough to aid me and this heavy title of the Head Guard, so I manage,” the older replies, a little soft around the edges while his eyes dance around to not meet Jaehyun’s gaze. Even then, Jaehyun thinks that Taeyong does this very awkward thing gracefully. Graceful enough that he thinks of a nostalgic feeling he doesn’t know how to pin down. “I don’t, actually,” Jaehyun mutters, quickly regretting the decision he made to talk.

Taeyong hums, curiosity lacing his tone.

_ He’s waiting for you to talk,  _ Jaehyun thinks to himself. There’s only a matter of the internal battle happening in his brain right now while he chooses to expose himself or not - but that could be a fatal point in his life where it could just be his downfall.  _ As if you  _ haven't  _ experienced the downfall already, Jung Jaehyun. _

“What you said previously. You said ‘you know me’ as if. . . as if I knew you,” Jaehyun says, searching for any emotion apparent on Taeyong’s face. There’s none yet. That’s good. “I don’t. I didn’t get to know you as well as I think I would’ve. And then you were absent for a long time in my life. I thought the loneliness was about to be unbearable, but I managed, too. After those times passed I did see you again, but the things I know about you came from other people. I heard stories that were passed around, but that’s about it.”

Taeyong’s mouth formed a little surprised ‘o’ by now, and Jaehyun genuinely thought he was just rambling nonsense. “No, no,” Taeyong insists, “you’re making sense.”

And so the younger continued.

“But I felt like if I tried talking to you I would’ve interrupted a time you’d rather spend doing something else since Minhyung informed me that you gained my fathe- the Emperor’s trust in such a short time after you went to the battlefield with him. It was good for you, I was glad. But still, sometimes I felt lonely. Not to say that Minhyung was a boring company since he was the only person that would. . . respond to me as if I’m a normal person,” Jaehyun trails off, noticing how Taeyong’s eyes lit up during these last few words, “but I’m just afraid that I will get too attached as I do with everyone I talk to. And it’ll dig an even bigger hole in my life when they are absent from it. And then my mother passed away and I felt like shit for trying to make my life better while she was trying to fight an internal battle, and I wasn’t there for her.”

Jaehyun chuckles, bitterly, “Right after all that, I got casted away like a criminal. Even when I never make any attempts to even think of hurting somebody else. I even got to watch as my brother tried desperately to keep me alive, almost letting himself be hung to death in the process.”

“Why did Donghyuck take the blame like that?”

Taeyong watches while Jaehyun speaks, his eyes casting a soft glow of sympathy he’s never been able to show for the younger man yet. This whole time, Taeyong thought to himself that someone as good as young Jaehyun won’t grow up to be a brat that hates the thought of talking to people that aren’t as good as him, but the fact that Jaehyun stopped talking to him after the incident where he almost got Taeyong fired  _ and  _ beheaded said otherwise. Truth be told, Taeyong did put some distance in his actions when it comes in regard to Jaehyun since that’s what his seniors told him to do at the time just to avoid involving himself in an even bigger problem than the first, but apparently even at times in between - where Jaehyun used to peek out of his door to greet him and chatter away, asking questions about his father (Jaehyun’s previous guard who stood outside his room) - diminished immensely, too. Taeyong hated the thought of losing touch with a kid he’s sworn to help raise as a good person, but there’s little to nothing he can do about it unless Jaehyun opens his door. He never did.

Technically, Taeyong as an older person should’ve been able to figure out what goes on in the teen boy’s head at the time since he’s been through those phases in life, too, but he was unable to. Those few years were exceptionally busy for him, and he could feel his fatigueness dawning upon him more and more, and it peaked at the night he slipped that letter underneath Jaehyun’s door while the maids were busy running here and there to prepare for a snow storm.

But he thinks it’s not too late. Jaehyun turned out way better than he expected the younger man to be, and the title brat doesn’t even really fit around his head - so Taeyong can still help. Guidance is enough, is it not?

“To be very honest with you, that’s the first time I’ve heard you talk that much. Ever,” Taeyong threw the younger a smile, which was returned with the view of Jaehyun shying away, even taking a step backwards. “If you don’t mind, can I share with you how I would rather view the world, if I was in your shoes?”   
Jaehyun feels the back of his shoulders tensing, his entire body already putting up a fight. Usually, people would only do this when you’re really in need of criticizing. Jaehyun’s not really good with that, since all of the criticism he took was either from a very bad place (since he saw the teacher who told him to be virtuous and kind fled the back door with a woman who wasn’t his wife) or came to him in lightspeed so that he never had enough time to process it with a stable mental state. His teachers wanted nothing else to do with him, most of the time, since they saw him as ‘lucky’ and ‘blessed by the gods’ and a total recipe for disaster once he sits on the throne, for he will only use his good looks to win the people’s hearts. Jaehyun’s teachers forgot that he’s an exact carbon copy of his father sometimes, and insulting Jaehyun would only mean insulting the Emperor, subtly. But who knows? Maybe that’s actually what they wanted to do.

But this is Taeyong, and Taeyong is supposedly different. Jaehyun eases the back of his shoulders, breathing in slowly, stabilizing himself.

“Yes, go ahead,” Jaehyun states.

“Getting attached isn’t a bad thing. Yeah. I guess I’ll start there. Getting attached is one of the first few ways for people to build friendships, afterall, and I don’t really think having a genuine friend is the worst thing to ever happen to someone in this world. Having a friend is comforting, sometimes, too. It does kind of look like a lot of work to do for the first few times, but it’s definitely worth the try,” Taeyong scratches the side of his head, tilting them, letting the gears in his brain work. “Having friends means you have someone that definitely will side with you, no matter who you’re up against. But it doesn’t mean they won’t criticize you about your mistakes, either, since you need to tell someone when they have the wrong perceptions in life.”

The older man snaps his fingers together, slapping the side of Jungwoo’s thighs that are still perched on his shoulder like a parrot. 

“Like what I’m doing to you right now!”

Jaehyun is stunned. He’s never had a conversation that flows as easily as this one for a few years now, since Taeyong stopped talking to him - or well, maybe it was also a misunderstanding on his part and  _ he  _ stopped talking to Taeyong. Everything is possible at this point, but Jaehyun just feels comforted instead of anxious. He thinks he should feel anxious, since his home was just invaded by someone he’s familiar with and the rest of his guards just put their lives on the line to protect him even when he’s only got six men guarding him. . . how many were they up against? But this conversation reminded him of the one he had with Taeyong and his father when he sneaked out of the Kingdom to follow the older man home. And the ones he had with Minhyung when they’re both into the same topic, every once in a while. Jaehyun would even give the books he read to Minhyung sometimes, just to be able to relate to each other.

It always feels so heartwarming. And calm. And devastatingly nostalgic.

“Are you saying that I’m your friend?” was the first few words that were able to come out of Jaehyun’s lips, and he swore he almost saw Taeyong holding back a snort. “Yeah,” Taeyong shrugs, kicking the almost-run-down sliding door open, “wouldn’t you say the same?”

Jaehyun stood there, pursing his lips to hold back a smile. 

“Stop smiling like that, kid. It creeps me out,” Taeyong huffs, walking outside. Minhyung was quick to stand up upon his arrival, only to fall down again bowing until his forehead touches the ground when he sees Jaehyun following right behind his senior. “Your Highness!!” Minhyung exclaims, prompting the last few men to bow right after him. Jaehyun’s soul left his body when he saw the amount of men who were defeated, the blood spurting out of their diced limbs and body parts. He looks over to Taeyong, grimacing in fear.  _ These six men he’s accompanied by really are. . . something. _

“I feel like a coward,” he splurts out, patting himself on the back for not stuttering. The rest of the men, including Minhyung and excluding Taeyong, quickly tried to convince him otherwise. Taeyong is already busied with tying Jungwoo to the little pillar he’s seen by their left to make sure he doesn’t try funny things and stab him from the back of his neck while he doesn’t see, or something. “No, no, it’s okay. I know I am. I didn’t even know there was an ambush happening outside my walls,” Jaehyun chose to calm them down, almost sweating from the pressure of trying to convince the rest of the guards that he’s not. . . mad. Why would he be mad?

“What should we do with this one, then?” Taeyong asks, his feet nudging Jungwoo’s side experimentally. The intruder still does not budge. 

“We’ll keep him alive. It’s almost good enough for me if we could plant a form of intimidation by having their men not return to wherever they came from, but returning with one of them in hand is even better,” Jaehyun says, looking at Taeyong intently. “There are still a few things that won’t add up in my mind, but I’ll send a letter to the Kingdom that I’m rebuking their previous sentences. I will need to wait so I have proof, but until they reply to my rebuttal, I’m sure I’d be able to find something out.”

“Really, Your Honour?” Minhyung joined the conversation, only flinching slightly when Jaehyun’s eyes flickered over to him from looking at Taeyong. “I mean, with all due respect - and I am first and foremost very sorry to argue with what you just said, but what good is it to already return to the Kingdom when you’re not 100% sure of where you stand? Especially since it’s a place where almost eight-five percent of people who want you gone reside in.”

_ Oh?  _ Jaehyun leans in.  _ Now this is interesting. _

To sum up the entire passage of what Minhyung told him, when they’re back in the warm comforts of Jaehyun’s lantern-lit room, the young guard saw some suspicious things during the periods of his inauguration. It was nothing he should be thinking about at the time, but when it happens so blatantly in front of him as if these people don’t care about their thoughts and opinion perplexed him to no end. 

He heard from the other young, new guards that got inaugurated with both him and Jungwoo that the one and only Kim Jungwoo that is now tied in the one-room jail of their little subpar kingdom is closely related to Kim Doyoung. Not that it’s by blood or anything, since they only lived in the same exact village where most of its villagers came from the same clan, hence why they’re both Kim(s). Taeyong told them that Doyoung absolutely despises that sneaky piece of shit, though, and when asked why, the Head Guard just told them about the time Doyoung volunteered in training Donghyuck since the young prince was turning pale just cooped up in his room and the music room all day, and then Jungwoo spiralled it into a pretty big controversy that almost got Doyoung flagged for trying to harm Jungwoo. The younger guard was absolutely free of punishments, though, and Doyoung ran a whole few hundreds laps on the Kingdom’s front field instead.

Jaehyun has heard about this, but only barely since Donghyuck was busy whining and almost crying of guilt. And crying Donghyuck never really explains anything clearly, and all Jaehyun did was sat there to pat his back and calm him down until the younger fell asleep in his room only to be brought all the way back to the other wing since he made a ruckus around there for the fact that the maids were unable to find him. 

“Yes, exactly,” Minhyung chimes in, “Jungwoo was free from all trials since he claimed that he was  _ already  _ beaten up by Doyoung, even when the rest of us who were trained by him saw no such thing. Weirdly enough, the royal doctor agreed that he was injured and let Jungwoo stay in the clinic until Doyoung served his entire punishment. It was so weird.”

“Hm? Who?” Jaehyun frowns. The royal doctor? Damn, there’s a title for everything now, huh. 

“Moon Taeil, remember? You said you saw Donghyuck run to the clinic one day and the Emperor rushed there since it was newly after your mother passed. It was also the day before this whole. . . fiasco occurred. I think it was the first time you went to the clinic, too,” Taeyong reminded Jaehyun, bandaging himself near the source of light. “Huh, you’re right. I’ve never been sick my entire life, which is weird since I definitely lack sunlight, but I didn’t even know the way to the clinic if I didn’t see Donghyuck walk there. It’s like a road I never-” Jaehyun stops, his entire head ringing in alarm.  _ Is. . . is it possible? _

“Jungwoo goes to the clinic a lot, huh?” Jaehyun further asks Minhyung, who is more than definitely dozing off. “Hm?” Minhyung hums, forcing his eyes open with a cringe, “yeah. I mean, there’s an extent where you can make someone lie for you, but I just thought that Moon Taeil had a soft spot for Jungwoo. He’s the same age as Taeil’s deceased brother, anyways.”

“How do you  _ know  _ all this?” Taeyong tilts his head while frowning, unclear if it’s caused by the pain of his dried wounds pulling at his skin or from the fact that Minhyung knows so much about everything. “I’m surprised you don’t? The maids in front of the rooms always speak in such hushed noises that I just  _ knew  _ they’re talking about some spicy rumours. All I had to do was lean in close enough to listen, and in no time they even talked to me about these things since I was in the same batch as Kim Jungwoo when we entered,” Minhyung shrugs, “simple science.”

Taeyong tch-ed. “I genuinely prefer history.”

Minhyung let out a dry laugh, turning to Jaehyun who was merely quiet, existing there only to stare at nothingness. “I know this story,” Jaehyun shifts, looking at his journals. He doesn’t remember writing about anyone he never talks to, but once, when Lee Taeyong’s father still served as his personal guard, he looked gloom. Jaehyun asked him about what happened that day as they descended down the stairs which will bring them to the music room, but Taeyong’s father told him little to nothing but the fact that Jaehyun should treasure each and every moment he’s able to spend with his family. Jaehyun took this the wrong way that day since he did just have a fight with Donghyuck, so he thought that the old man was lecturing him about it.

Apparently it wasn’t.

That day, Moon Taeil’s little brother stole from one of the senior guard’s pockets - this is an era where Taeyong’s dad and his peers are considered a senior guard - since Taeil’s little to no salary can’t help their dying mother back at home, and the family needed extra money, really quick. Taeil promised his brother that he would try and see if he could sneak some medicines instead and warned his brother to not do anything funny.

The Emperor was out that day on a picnic - one where the Jaehyun and Donghyuck fight happened, Taeyong’s father right beside them near the carriage in case nasty unwanted things happen - so the enraged senior guard had no one else to tell him what to do and not to do, since the problem couldn’t be turned over to the Emperor. He was the one with utmost power and the last say, and apparently, he ordered for the ‘little thief’ to be executed. Over pick-pocketing. 

Moon Taeil was there, working as the assistant of the current doctor. He was there. He saw the commotion. 

But he was too late.

The Emperor made sure the punishment for that particular guard would be harsh and unrelenting, almost only six hours after the entire fiasco happened. The people asked for a public hanging. And so he was hanged. But not only that, he lost a few innards. But Moon Taeil wasn’t there that day. He was away. And once everyone thought he was away for good, he returned. A few years later he managed to score a place as the new doctor once the old one died, pale and hollow, looking like they’re left with only bones as they were buried. It was suspiciously close to how the Empress looked when she died, but before this Jaehyun made no connections. How he didn’t make those connections, he didn’t know. He saw the doctor being carried out of the clinic when he was eight, forgetting that it’s the path to the clinic soon after since he’s dead scared of the body.

He saw his mother’s body, too. 

_ Really?  _ Jaehyun thinks to himself, arms shaking and vibrating with the rush of adrenaline and something akin to anger. He doesn’t know who he should be enraged at. Did this entire punishment happen because of this one man? This one man he doesn’t even know why his father trusts since this is the man that technically lets the Empress die just like that, maybe even poisoned her to fasten the process! Did his mother really die as a fruitful result of pent up anger and the need of revenge? Revenge to  _ who  _ in particular? The guard who was guilty was given his punishment! Jaehyun recognizes himself shaking, and in the corner of his eyes he can see Minhyung and Taeyong approaching him slowly, asking him what is going on. He needs to tell them. He really does. 

“Moon Taeil poisoned my mother,” he blurts out.

Minhyung looks at him intently, the size of his already round eyes enlarging even more, almost as if they’re about to pop out. “And the doctor before him. He’s doing this all because he wants revenge.”

Taeyong looks less shocked and more. . . sad. He looks as if he’s sympathizing. With who?

“Should we, then?” Taeyong chimes in, voice as gentle as the snow coating the ground when it is winter, piling up on the once dried land, turning it into the purest of pure white. “Should we . . . what?” Jaehyun responds.

“Go back to the Kingdom. Your father’s life must be in danger, and that’s why they sent men here, first. To make sure there’s no crown prince around that would take the Emperor’s spot when he reached his demise.”

Taeyong’s words rang in his head. 

_ No crown prince around. Reached his demise.  _

He knows he needs to. Jaehyun feels it bubbling up in the back of his throat, almost reaching the surface with how blatant of a lie this all feels to him. He knows he doesn’t prioritize the Emperor. He knows he never did, and he knows he never will, by this point. Moon Taeil is overpowered, god knows why, since he is able to gather up this many men to do his bidding under the wretched leadership of Kim Jungwoo, who would gladly be used as a pawn. Maybe it’s the innermost demons of everyone’s soul, one who whispered that it’s not fair to be as unlucky as they are, to be not born in the royal family. Maybe that’s just how it is, and maybe Jaehyun would never understand. 

But by god he feels like there’s something he needs to do first before he goes back to the Kingdom and claims his. . . no, not his throne. 

His home. 

But what is it? What is he supposed to do before he takes a leap somewhere that he  _ knows  _ he’s needed, right now? Where is his heart being pulled to? What is he supposed to do?

Jaehyun wants to break down and cry. Wants to think about how unfair it is for  _ everyone,  _ but some people decided that it would be a good idea to act on that unfairness and take multiple lives just because they lost one. He’s not saying that if he’s in Taeil’s shoes, he wouldn’t do the exact same thing, but it sucks. It sucks because he’s not in Taeil’s position right now, and all he wants is his mother to return, and his brother to return with him back in the home he grew up in - and his family would be back together. He would wish the same upon Taeil, but he’s unable to. He needs to be able to, he needs to be a good person who does good things and rules  _ good  _ people. . . but not now. What does he need to do before that-

“Letter, sir,” the door slides open, and the face of one of the maids he’s been trusted with pops up. Her hair is tied up and her hands are shaking lightly. “Thank you. Did they say who it is from?” Minhyung responded for him, and Jaehyun is eternally grateful for the younger’s existence. “From  _ Kim Doyoung,  _ sir. He even had someone send them over with a horse. It’s an emergency.”

Jaehyun’s heart sank.

-

0

-

Donghyuck’s life is, well. . . tragic. 

Almost no one expected him to be born sixteen years ago since they were still a little too overjoyed in Jaehyun’s existence, or previously called Jung Yoonoh. And in his entire life, he’s faced with something but doubt and insincerity, stemming from everyone but his older brother and his mother. 

It’s true, the doubt and insincerity coming from his father and each and every one of his teachers came from Jaehyun being too good at everything he’s doing, but he’s grateful enough that his own brother doesn’t despise him as much as he thought he did. He was great, a good role model who isn’t ashamed to admit his mistakes and aided Donghyuck to become a better person by learning off of his brother’s mistakes, and Donghyuck loved Jaehyun with all his heart. He even swore that when Jaehyun became an Emperor one day, he'd take care of every threat coming Jaehyun’s way and his brother’s entire descendant won’t have to worry about a single thing. He just needed to focus on being a kind-hearted, perfect person.

Donghyuck didn’t see Jaehyun as a false kind of mirrored perfection, of some sort. He knows of his brother’s flaws. He knows how he handles them, and he knows better than anyone that most of the time, when the older’s depression hits really hard, he won’t answer anyone’s calls, no matter what they do. 

That’s why that one day, when Jaehyun slipped out to follow Taeyong to the older’s house, Donghyuck was very happy that his brother was ‘making friends’, his young brain told him. He decided against speaking at all that day, since he’s used to spilling some unwanted truths by blabbering his mouth all the time. He just sat beside Doyoung that day, spending some time in the sun while his mother stared at him from afar, probably cooing inwardly. 

And then the entire Kingdom descended into chaos when the Emperor summoned Jaehyun and he didn’t answer immediately, his maids knowing that he sometimes did that out of spite - but when they forced the door to open, since it’s not really that hard to do so with sliding traditional doors, Jaehyun was gone. No one knew why Donghyuck was summoned instead since the kid was. . . a kid who walked on his stubby little feet, unsure of his own footing, but the Emperor baited it out of him.

It was really cruel, when Donghyuck looks back at it.

There he was, a pure-hearted little kid who wanted nothing but to let his older brother experience a little bit of life and happiness, and the man who was supposed to be his father, who he was supposed to love as much as he loved the rest of his entire family - was blaming him for it. Donghyuck talked back, since that’s all he did. He told the Emperor that it wasn’t his fault that Jaehyun left the Kingdom, and it wasn’t his responsibility to stop him either. And here came the usual trick of Donghyuck’s tongue, when it slips up and it tells everyone a story they shouldn’t have heard.

“Besides,  _ hyung  _ went to his guard’s house with him! Guards are supposed to take care of us, His  _ Highnessesh _ , so  _ hyung  _ will be okay!” Donghyuck had said, slipping his tongue on some words he’s still learning to pronounce. 

It was the first time he was slapped. It was also the first time he was called a mistake, a child who should’ve never happened. And it was the first time he saw his mother cry. 

Donghyuck was more mad that his father did something that made his mother cry, first and foremost, rather than how much the slap stung his cheeks and made him want to cry, too. It’s no secret that Donghyuck, by his age back then, had achieved less in life when compared to Jaehyun when he was the same age. But he thought it was no reason to slap him in front of his mother and made her cry.

Donghyuck blamed himself further when he figured out that Jaehyun’s guard put a distance on the two of them. That made Jaehyun sad. When Donghyuck blamed himself because of certain things, he stopped eating. He stopped coming out of his room to the kitchen, where he used to roam with at least a dozen maids behind him while he bothered the hell out of the cooks, and he came to the music room instead. The  _ alkkagi  _ reminded him of the worst of his memories, but it was one of the things he’s genuinely good at. And there was no one there to blame him for being a little sorry ass excuse of a son when compared to Jaehyun.

He didn’t only blame himself, though.

Everytime Jaehyun would go under his depressed state of not moving unless it’s absolutely necessary for him to, Donghyuck would get the blame. He was never hit by the Emperor ever again, but the words were even worse. He stopped calling the Emperor as his ‘father’ shortly after he turned eight. There was no way a father should act that way, he thought. 

Once, as he returned from the heavy scolding with his stomach rumbling and his throat parched, he passed by the door to his mother’s room to find her in a coughing fit inside. There are other silhouettes in there, trying to calm her down with a sip of water. They’re all her maids, and it put Donghyuck at a little bit of ease. Though he wanted to come inside and ask his mother if she was alright, the cup of herbs with a side of water in a jar took his attention more. It was signed by Moon Taeil, and the note that laid beside it said that he heard about the Empress coming down with a sickness and that he brewed something real quick to help her feel better. The letters ‘the same recipe as the ones I’ve given you,’ was bolded and remade a few times, followed by a respectful ‘Your Honour’ at the very end, but Donghyuck felt something off about this. . . concoction. Something is definitely up with it, so he took it with him. 

Donghyuck ended up figuring it out.

He was more informed about the fact that they killed someone. . . some  _ kid  _ in the front fields of their Kingdom since he really likes conversing with the maids that accompanied him in his  _ alkkagi  _ sessions. He was five when the actual murder occured, but by time his curiosity was never repaid, so he kept on asking. 

Despite what he was credited for, Donghyuck’s a very bright kid. He figured out everything Jaehyun figured out in the end a few years earlier, and he even took it upon himself to  _ drink  _ the poisoned herbs once, when he was the only one in his mother’s chambers and Moon Taeil was knocking outside the door. He couldn't possibly make his mother drink it again, since he was at the ends of her lives by then, so he swallowed it. Without blinking, without shaking or giving out the fact that he drank it instead of his mother. It happened a few more times before the Empress actually passed away, and Donghyuck was on his way to his mother’s room when the maids’ shriek alarmed him. Seo Youngho ran past him, almost ran into him as he shouted down the hallway, and Donghyuck remembered how his heart sank along with his dizziness. 

He passed out, too, lied to Jaehyun that he'd been losing sleep the entire week after, and even confronted Moon Taeil.

That was when Jaehyun saw him go to the clinic, and he absolutely went batshit at Moon Taeil. . . who was weirdly calm and composed enough. He told Donghyuck that the Emperor would believe in him more than he’d believe in Donghyuck, since Taeil performed a ground-breaking performance of tears in front of the Emperor and the Empress’s body which turned cold right after her death. Donghyuck slammed his hands down Taeil’s table then, telling the older man that he had proof, but it was too late. Taeil assumed that this would happen way before, since the first time he saw Donghyuck visiting his mother more and more often. By the time Donghyuck confronts Taeil about it, he’s sent the same exact poison to be put in Jaehyun’s food by the innocent and clueless cooks in the kitchen. Donghyuck was quick to get on his feet, trying to stop the food from ever reaching Jaehyun’s touch. It most likely would never, since Jaehyun had stopped his entire contact with the world outside of his room, but at the time, Donghyuck’s logical brain was fogged by something.

Taeil offered to come with him, since the cooks would only listen to him - which was the truth, especially in critical times after a member of the royal family passed. The doctor’s words are final regarding what to give to who, and not even Donghyuck can stop him. The royal family  _ could  _ refuse to eat, but the chances that Jaehyun would’ve wanted to eat something didn’t escape Donghyuck’s mind, and he needed to act fast.

Taeil would be willing to stop the food from entering Jaehyun’s perimeter if Donghyuck would admit that he made a concoction to kill his own mother. 

It would be illogical if the Emperor knew how much his son loved his mother, but the Emperor barely spoke to Donghyuck. Ever. 

The fact that he agreed to it passed his mind, and Donghyuck found himself not fearing the absolute death sentence that was looming before him. He’s not. He bowed in front of the Emperor, admitting his sins, but apparently there were more people who didn’t want him dead than he thought there would be. There was a maid he talked to ever since he was a kid, someone who was closely related to their mother who suggested that Donghyuck might be doing this to cover for someone. The Emperor’s right hand men agreed, and suddenly Jaehyun was summoned. The maid definitely didn’t mean Jaehyun, but at the time, noticing the fact that the brother he’d try so hard to not get involved be dragged inside the public hall by his hair  _ and  _ sleeves like a stray dog pushed him over his limits. Donghyuck felt like he needed to do everything to make sure Jaehyun didn’t die. Even if it meant he would lose his own head. And his future.

That’s what their mother would’ve wanted, right?

The outcome was a lot more than he could ask for, and the only thing he would ask for now is that Jaehyun live on and prosper even beyond the days of their punishment, return to the Kingdom and defeat that old hag who wanted to get revenge on them for something that wasn’t their fault. Because Donghyuck is sure as hell not going to live that long.

Jaehyun is standing on the edge of a bridge. He’s about to fall. Fall into his own puddle of tears, but he can’t. He hasn’t even opened the door yet, but the quiet and eeriness of it all made him close to tears. There’s no way he’s ever seen this coming, and maybe all the credits that were given to him for being the smartest son is invalid. 

_ How did he not see that Donghyuck was having the same exact symptoms his mother did? _

“It’s okay to just go in, Prince Jaehyun,” Doyoung chimes in, quietly from the back. “He’s been waiting for you. . . for a while now.”

There’s something about Doyoung’s voice that reminded Jaehyun of his own situation. They’re wavering, almost fragile sounding and desperate. For what, he doesn’t know. The promise that the young boy behind the door lived past his twenties, maybe? It’s possible to hope for. But clearly impossible to reach.

Jaehyun hates his logical and unloving brain sometimes. They do nothing but torture him further and further away from comfort. He wanted for Donghyuck to be okay, at the very least, only to find out that Donghyuck is the furthest yet from the first step Jaehyun is supposed to step on to bring back his life before. No, not him as a Crown Prince. Just. . . undisturbed. 

His hands are shaking as he lifts them up, trying to slide the door open. He’s only a few more seconds away until he sees his dying brother, lying inside nothing but a dark room. 

Doyoung told him that anything brighter than a light coming from outside made it too unbearable for the boy, so he’s been sleeping in there without any source of light. It’s as if he’s trying to elongate the times he had on this world since he’s waiting for something, anything.

_ “Hyung,”  _ he croaks out, not having to open his eyes to notice Jaehyun standing there. The older closes the door as quickly as he can, avoiding the light from entering even further. “Donghyuck,” Jaehyun responds, kneeling beside the boy. He praises himself for not sounding like he’s about to cry, but he can’t promise that in these next few seconds. 

Donghyuck chuckles, though it only sounds like he’s breathing through his nose from the lack of energy. Jaehyun feels his heart clench. Donghyuck was far from this when he was a kid. A cheery reason for his infinitely loud laughs and squeals, and he’d always smile as if he’s expecting the other person to smile, too. That’s possibly the only reason Doyoung stayed as his personal guard throughout the years, even though he’s actually very hard to handle. But now. . .

“I’m very sick,  _ hyung,”  _ Donghyuck continues, voice almost inaudible since it was only a few decibels above a whisper. “I know, Hyuck, I know,” Jaehyun scoots over, tears already spilling from the corners of his eyes. His voice sounds stable as he winds his fingers through Donghyuck’s very cold ones. The younger squeezes back, though weak. “You know. . .” Donghyuck starts again, wheezing for a moment. Jaehyun gave him a noise of affirmation. “After all of this. . . I’m sure you understand now, don’t you? The whole story?”

Jaehyun shook his head. “Not at all, Hyuck. I had Doyoung tell me your entire half of the story. I was just left there very confused, I guess, even when I spent almost nine and a half months trying to figure out how everything works out.”

“Woah. . .” Donghyuck cracks one eye open, weakly, “it’s been nine and a half months?”

Jaehyun shrugs, booping the younger’s nose though it feels more like a fleeting butterfly touch. “Did no one celebrate your sixteenth birthday with you?” he asks, which Donghyuck hums to. “Of course. I don’t know how to count how many months passed in this dark room, ‘kay? I’m a little. . . impressed with myself, to be honest.”

Donghyuck fell into a coughing fit, and Jaehyun felt the floor creak. Doyoung is concerned outside, and he has crawled a little closer. Respectfully far enough to not listen, though. Jaehyun smiles to himself. Doyoung’s a good man.

“You should be,” Jaehyun runs his hand through Donghyuck’s hair. It’s surprisingly fluffy. He supposes that the maids still give him baths periodically. “You’re very impressive.”

Donghyuck faked a gagging motion. 

“No but really,” Donghyuck sighs, unable to move anything but his eyes and neck. “Mother lasted only three months since she started consuming the food.”

Jaehyun felt his heart sink once again, but this fact also made his heart soar for some reason. “Are you saying it’s been a whole year since you survived what was supposed to be instant death?” the older asked, despite the hope laced within his words, he spoke with little to no bounce at all, trying to calm down his hopeful heartbeat. “Yeah,” Donghyuck answers, but there’s no going around the fact that his limbs are still unable to move. 

“I drank the medicines because I wanted to wait for you,  _ hyung,”  _ the younger continues, motioning for Jaehyun to pick him up. The younger is still able to sit, but the hollowness of his cheeks and how bony he had become is now more prominent. Jaehyun almost cries again. “I’ll stop taking them after I say what I wanted to say.”

Jaehyun feels the pupils of his eyes zooming in on his younger sibling’s voice, as if that was possible, before he was taken aback completely. “W-why?”

“Please open the window. I want to see the sky with you one last time.”

Jaehyun obliged, only since he doesn’t know what else to feel in this situation except for confusion. How was he supposed to react? Is this bad news? Should he convince Donghyuck otherwise?

“We are all tired,  _ hyung.  _ Did you know that? To a different degree each, but I knew deep down, we’re all tired. The people out there fantasize each day about how much better it’ll be for them if they became a part of the royal family, since they’d have everything. Have power, too. Use it to do good. That’s what made Moon Taeil absolutely despise us,” Donghyuck began, his voice as gentle as the wind that is now sweeping inside the previously dark room. “But little do they realize, or care to think - that we are all tired. We’re tired of different things, disappointed of most things, and will lose every single person in our lives at the end. That’s really tiring.”

Jaehyun grips the window sill, his knuckles turning white.

“And I’ve been tired for a long time now,  _ hyung.  _ I had hoped that it’ll be better one day, a long time ago, but how much better could it be progressing for me, now?” He approached Jaehyun by scooting, little by little, and the older man sat beside him, arms thrown around the blanket that encaps Donghyuck. “But someone is still able to help you get better, I just know it. There’s no hope for me, but there’s one for you.”

“Start a new life,  _ hyung,”  _ Donghyuck says, the most serious he’s ever been, “I had hoped once that you would avenge me and mother’s death, but then I realize how messed up it is to be continuing this endless cycle of revenge. If we avenge someone’s death, someone else will feel like it’s unfair for us to do so, and so on and so forth. It won’t ever end nicely, it hasn’t since the beginning of time, so please,” he trails off, “please listen to me and take part in trying to stop the bloodbath that would go on for centuries.”

Donghyuck looks up at Jaehyun, a smile crinkling in the corner of his pale eyes.

“I know you’re a better person than I am. The world needs you more than they need me,” he ends, and Jaehyun is thrown into a fit of denial. He needs to say something, he needs to disagree, he  _ doesn’t  _ agree! His entire life, Jaehyun has always thought of Donghyuck as a better person. Despite their age difference and how much younger Donghyuck is, he’s done a lot of things for Jaehyun that Jaehyun never got the chance to repay. Donghyuck played him the  _ alkkagi  _ once after he bribed Jaehyun out of his room with a fish he cooked himself. Despite how burnt it is and how poorly Donghyuck played the  _ alkkagi,  _ Jaehyun was happy. He was all smiles and laughters, cute dimples and wheezes from how much he’s laughing.

Donghyuck was way better at being a good person than he is. He can’t let him leave this world because he’s tired of it. Tired of everyone and everything. They could be tired together, can’t they? They could try and build each other up. Jaehyun doesn’t want Donghyuck to leave him-

_ Is that selfish? _

“Hyuck,” he whispers, voice failing him. “Is it selfish to not want you to leave me?”

Donghyuck tightened the hug, chuckling again, although it doesn’t sound like a chuckle. “Of course not,  _ hyung.  _ It’s only human. I’d be surprised if you’re very selfless to the point that you’d let me go that easily.”

Jaehyun lets out a sob which makes his entire upper arm shake and his ears feel like they’re shot by a bunch of practice bullets, the sound deafening but also numb.

“I’m sorry,  _ hyung.” _

That’s all he was able to say.

“I’m so, so sorry for leaving you.”

Because there’s nothing left for him to say.

They didn’t sort out their differences. They let it sizzle until the time is right to cover up the pot and put an end to the flame. Jaehyun figured out that sometimes, you’re unable to do everything you want in life. Some lists are never going to be checked, but that’s completely okay. 

It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt when they put Donghyuck underground, somewhere they’ve dug themselves. The last few days of his life was spent outside, though he was unable to move in a chair that Doyoung and Taeyong would voluntarily move places once Donghyuck asked them to, with a shy dopey smile across his face. It was comforting to see his brother smile under the sun, Jaehyun supposed. He was buried underneath the cherry blossom tree he had grown to really love since he was able to see it from the window of his room, and if Jaehyun found out that Doyoung was crying silently that night, he’d just keep it to himself.

-

0

-

Jaehyun, surprisingly, doesn’t feel ultimately very lonely. He’s still in pain, the puffy eyes are still there and the seizing of his chest everytime a cherry blossom petal lands on his hands still exists. But he shared what Donghyuck had to say to everyone, setting them free of their responsibilities. 

A few days before Donghyuck passed, when they were sitting in a bonfire, a letter was sent to them with a bird-messenger, regarding the news of their father’s death and how the space of the Emperor is now empty, temporarily filled by some ‘unknown’ man according to the rest of the people, but since the letter was sent by Youngho - he explained that Taeil did close to nothing in his attempts to kill the Emperor. Youngho himself ran away from the Kingdom, uncomfortable with the increasing violence in the way the new ‘temporary’ Emperor acts. 

Donghyuck looked at Jaehyun, eyes neutral and calming.

“Do whatever you think is right,” he had said, “I was just giving you. . . a word of advice.”

They had chuckled that night, but Jaehyun is dead serious when he looks at each and every single one of his comrades left, alongside Donghyuck’s maids and guards and says, “You’re free to go. Live a long life and prosper, try not to get in the way of the new Emperor. He’s. . .” Jaehyun made hand motions towards his head, “kind of. . . yeah.”

Jaehyun really, genuinely thinks that if fate wants them to meet each other again, they’ll meet each other again.

  
  


Lee Taeyong got married, he has a wife and six children. He decided to live in the farthest corner of the village, and Jaehyun who was his housemate for a few years after they ran away from Jaehyun’s supposed duties could say nothing against it. He’s glad that every single one of his friends are able to move on. Even Minhyung had his own little family by the end of last year, and the two Lee clans lived not as far from each other so that they could summon their god-father ‘Jung Yoonoh’ without troubling him by making him travel across the country. Not that Yoonoh would mind. He’s got little to do on a daily basis, and taking care of children has always been a specialty he didn’t even know he had.

Mrs. Lee (Taeyong’s wife) prepared him a whole feast, usually, but this one time, she was fast asleep. She just gave birth to their sixth child, and honestly, Yoonoh would’ve laughed if he wasn’t trying to keep his voice as low and steady as possible. 

“There’s just tea,” Taeyong chuckles, voice almost as soft as a whisper, “sorry.”

“No, no, it’s more than okay,” Yoonoh smiled up at him, still cradling the baby in his arms as carefully as he can. The baby is wide awake, pouting up at him, but there’s no apparent signs that he’s about to cry, so Yoonoh is able to calm down. “I can’t be asking for things from you all the time.”

Taeyong tsk-ed fondly, looking at Yoonoh as he would look at his own sons. That’s what Yoonoh realized. Ever since Taeyong had children, he’s been a lot more. . . father-like, obviously. But that goes for Yoonoh, too, and he doesn’t know why he got the same treatment when Taeyong’s first kid is nineteen years younger than he is. The older father with six kids told him that ‘it’s because I’ll always see you as a kid, kiddo’ one day, and Yoonoh hated to admit how warm it made his heart feel.  _ His own father never referred to him that fondly. _

“I’ve told you a million times already,” Taeyong says while tickling the stomach of his youngest daughter. A multitasker, apparently. “We enjoy your presence here, Yoonoh. You’re not troubling anyone. If anything, you’re troubling yourself by walking here and there all the time.”

Yoonoh chuckled at this, making the baby he’s carrying chuckle along with him. The sound made him want to cry.

He doesn’t even know adorable things can make you cry.

“Thank you, Taeyong,” Yoonoh smiles, continuing to make faces at the baby. “I really appreciate you saying that.”

It’s spring, weirdly enough. Usually a not-so-fundamental time in Yoonoh’s life, but ever since he’s changed his ways and tried his best to enjoy life as it is, a lot of change has happened. Some good, and some bad. Most of the changes he’s gone through are very welcomed.

That night, while sitting in a bonfire, he could’ve sworn he’s seen the light in Donghyuck’s eyes when he sees one of Taeyong’s kids backflipped from the excitement of telling a story. 

Things were beginning to shape up for the better, at least Yoonoh hopes so.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry i had a little too much fun working on this


End file.
